What can you serve and never eat? A volleyball!
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
They say that you can spike a volleyball. But you can never take away its dig-nity.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
I saw the chicken quickly crossing the basketball court? Then I remembered that the referee was blowing fowls.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Longfellow is the known poet of basketball.
The team’s star basketball player decided to remain at home the entire weekend. He didn’t want to be called out for travelling.
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
Did you hear about the battery and the volleyball who got into a fight? The volleyball is waiting to go to church and the battery was charged.
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
Why did the skier from Helsinki dominate the downhill slalom competition?
He led the race from start to Finnish.
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
The goal nine yards
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
There is one commonality between a magician and a soccer player. They both do hat tricks.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible