When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Where do ghosts play volleyball at? At the volleyball corpse.
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
What happened to the skier who was injured the the top of the peak?
It's been all downhill from there.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
The perfect name for a pig that plays basketball is a ball hog.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!