I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
Guy: Have you ever been fishing before? Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
Why did the volleyball player join the marines? To serve our country.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
We like rough sets. As long as you practice safe sets, there isn’t a problem.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
Skier: Doc, I think I'm addicted to skiing at Loveland Ski Are
Shrink: You may be going down a slippery slope. Do you feel a divide?
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Get in the swim this summer.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!