I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
Water you doing on [date]?
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.
I feel tail great!
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.