What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
Why shouldn't you hire a volleyball player to be your bartender?
The service may be excellent, but he'll try to spike all the drinks.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
Footballers love one specific type of tea; penal-tea.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
Here’s more proof that I’ve gone off the deep end.
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
Why was the wheelchair basketball team banned from the Paralympics?
They all tested positive for WD-40.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
My moment in the sun.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Calm before the score
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.