How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Bowlers do not make good employees. This is because for 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
Calm before the score
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
The calm before the score
Did you hear the terrible rumor about the volleyball player? That’s what she set!
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
My strategy is simple, knocking them down a pin at a time.
What happens if the Grim Reaper spikes the ball? You have to dig your own grave.
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!