I’m establishing my punning game early today.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire
but I still haven’t ruled it out.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
What did the marathoner do after he won the race?
He decided to go into politics and run for office.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
How do crazy runners go through the forest?
They take the psychopath!
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.