Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
Why did the volleyball player get thrown out of the party? He spiked the punch.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
Do you believe this? All soccer players, irrespective of their country of origin, have one goal.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Where do spiders play football?
Webley Stadium.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
Scrambled eggs are similar to a losing basketball team because both are beaten.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.