What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
What type of stroke does a classical musician use when swimming?
The Bach stroke!
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.