The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Why are Scandinavians the fastest runners in the world?
Because they start out near the Finnish line.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
My strategy is simple, knocking them down a pin at a time.
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
The goal nine yards
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The bar man asks: “have you been served?”
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…
…country music."
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
The basic rule in the bowling game is to ensure you leave no pin standing.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet this chair lift weighs enough to break the ice.