How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
This is one spray-cation to remember.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
The calm before the score
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What did the magician say to the fisherman?
"Pick a cod, any cod."
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
The moto of their school bowling team was ‘let’s knock em down’.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.