How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
For instant fun, just add water.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
Why did the skier from Helsinki dominate the downhill slalom competition?
He led the race from start to Finnish.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
Guy: Have you ever been fishing before? Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Poor white splash.
We’ll have a ball.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.