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fgf21 sugar Jokes

fgf21 sugar Jokes and more.
Funny Poems For Kids
"Sweet Tooth Andy"

Have you heard of sweet-tooth Andy?
Makes his bed with sugar candy.
And it never fails... by dawn
all of Andy’s bed is gone.

– Denise Rodgers
How To Avoid the Breathalyzer
A guy gets pulled over by the police, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, the guy says. “I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim replies, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Okay,” the cop answers. “Then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim. “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “I can’t do that either.” responds Jim. “Why not?” asks the cop. “Because I'm completely drunk! I could go to jail!"
Chemistry Pick Up Lines
You're hotter than sulfuric acid and sugar and you smell twice as sweet.
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
Hold the sugar, please. You're sweet enough for me.
Truck Puns
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
Coffee Puns
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Driving Quotes
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
Head Puns
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
One Liners and Short Jokes
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that every time he drink tea his eyeball hurts him the doctor brings a cup of tea and handle's it to the man then the man asks for a spoon of sugar after he mixes the sugar he starts to drink tea then he screams as high as he can and say see doctor my eyeball hurts me
The doctor says why don't try to remove the spoon.
Medical Pick Up Lines
I’d check your blood sugar, but you’re sweet enough.
Anti Pick Up Lines
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue Jokes
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.
The roses have wilted,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head.
The Genie, the Waterfall and Their Last Wish
An Englishman, an American and a Japanese are doing white water rafting, when all of a sudden they spot a huge drop to a waterfall they never knew was there. They are moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom... Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is the spirit of the waterfall, and he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies. The American steps up first. "I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full version. Give my friends lyrics sheets, so they can join in. I want a full backing orchestra and a gospel choir." "It will be done." says the genie. The Japanese goes next. "I love my country too. Nothing represents it better than our wonderful cuisine. Please let me taste one more time, the delicacies of my village. I want fermented sticky soy beans. Fresh sea urchin. Raw horse meat. Pickled seaweed. Sugared omelettes. And please....provide enough so I can share the meal with my friends." "It will be done." says the genie. The Englishman quietly approaches the genie, and whispers in his ear 'Just send me over the waterfall before the bloody song starts and the food gets here."
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
Canary-birds feed on sugar and seed,
Parrots have crackers to crunch;
And, as for the poodles, they tell me the noodles
Have chickens and cream for their lunch.
But there’s never a question
About MY digestion—
Anything does for me!

Cats, you’re aware, can repose in a chair,
Chickens can roost upon rails;
Puppies are able to sleep in a stable,
And oysters can slumber in pails.
But no one supposes
A poor Camel dozes—
Any place does for me!

...

People would laugh if you rode a giraffe,
Or mounted the back of an ox;
It’s nobody’s habit to ride on a rabbit,
Or try to bestraddle a fox.
But as for a Camel, he’s
Ridden by families—
Any load does for me!

(Charles E. Carryl)
Funny Haiku
There was a knock at my door as I paced the hall floor, and I knew, without looking, who I'd meet,
There'd be goblins and witches and zombies with stitches, and they'd joyfully cry out, Trick or Treat!
They'd expect sugar candy and plums soaked in brandy, and cake that I'd pull from my stash,
Peanuts and sweeties and pumpkin-shaped wheaties, plus a ready supply of hard cash.

And like a Biblical flood, they'd be dripping in blood, and they'd tramp it all into my rug,
And it's safe to surmise, that their Halloween guise, will have run up some change for some mug.
So I yell through my 'box, be gone, you're a pox, I have not got sweets for to give,
But they said, listen, you git, we don't give a shit, get some in if you'd like for to live.

But I didn't feel threatened by these juvenile cretins, and I told them, be off, bug the next street,
But they whispered, no dice, now are you going to play nice, and cough-up our Halloween treat?
I said, enough is enough, I was in a real h
Salt Puns
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Some of the Funniest Lines in History...
“The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.“ Unknown “I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:  ‘No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall’ ".  Eleanor Roosevelt “The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning, and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.”  George Burns “Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year.” Victor Borge “What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.” Mark Twain “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” Groucho Marx “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”  Jimmy Durante  “The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and  kindness, can be trained to do most things.”  Jilly Cooper  “I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.”   “I was always a good housekeeper.  Whenever I divorced I always kept  the house.”  Zsa Zsa Gabor  “Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food  groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.”  Alex Levine  “My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop  dying.”  Ed Furgol  “Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant  form of misery.”  Spike Milligan  “I am opposed to millionaires, but it would bedangerous to offer me the  position.” Mark Twain “Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” Herbert Henry Asquith  “I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my  nap.”  Bob Hope  “A woman drove me to drink ... and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank  her.”  W C Fields “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth, or the fourteenth.”  George Burns  “We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”  Unknown  “Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will  avoid you.”  Unknown  Doctor to patient: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.”  Unknown  “By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go  anywhere.”  Unknown
Spice Puns
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Cake Puns
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
I Can't Do That, Officer
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine." Sighs the officer. "I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac." Says the man. "If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk."
Christian Pick Up Lines
Those aren't sugar plums dancing through my head, it's all you.
Blonde Jokes
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Funny Love Poems
You’re my love and angel,
You’re my sugar and honey,
You’re my jewel and treasure,
I’m broke and in need money.

(Unknown)
My love, you are the yin to my yang,
You’re the ice to my cream,
You are the pop to my corn,
You’re the day to my dream.
You are the honey to my bee,
You’re the sugar to my spice,
You are the sweet to my heart,
You’re the white to my rice.
Oh shoot, I’m so sorry!
I forgot you switched to a brown rice, low-carb, sugar-free diet!
Pick Up Lines
(Pick up a sugar packet off the floor) Uh, miss? I think you dropped your name tag.
Puns
Ever had real cane sugar?
It cannot be beet.
Nuts Puns
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Food Pick Up Lines
Are you powdered sugar? Because you're sweet, and fine!
Do you need more sugar or am I sweet enough?
Are you sugar? Because I want you in everything I have.
Did you have sugar? Because you got a sweet smile.
Are you sugar? Because I just had sweet dreams about you.
Donut take this the wrong way, but I just want to sprinkle you with sugar and spice.
This coffee is too strong. How about a kiss because you are the only sugar I need.
Tree Puns
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Sports Pick Up Lines
Hey sugar-buns, do you play Center? Wanna be the center of my attention?
Funny Poems
There’s been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.
A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman’s spouse.
He’d just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.
The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He’d never forget that terrible day.
He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,
Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.
”Who could have done this terrible thing?”
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.
”Just look at the clues,” replied Sargeant Miller.
”It looks like the work of a cereal killer.” (Albert Van Hoogmoed)
Halloween Pick Up Lines
Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?
Funny Monday Quotes
“Hello and welcome to Monday. Do you take sugar, cream, or Valium in your morning coffee?”
Break Up Lines
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Chemistry Puns
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
One Liners for Kids
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.