Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
What do a balloon and a man have in common?
One prick pretty much ruins them.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!