If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
What are a married man's two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."
A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."