Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys an extra case of beer. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!