Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys an extra case of beer. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist