Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
What do a balloon and a man have in common?
One prick pretty much ruins them.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.