Beauty is only pig skin deep
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Football is one habit I will never kick
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
All punts are highly intended
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
The goal nine yards
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
I like your tight end
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Calm before the score
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!