You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
All punts are highly intended
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
The calm before the score
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
We’re calling your number.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
I like your tight end
Give me some pigskin
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Having a ball
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!