Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
I feel tail great!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
The huddle is real
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Prepare to be bowled over.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
By the seat of one’s punt
Football is one habit I will never kick
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Case in punt
We’ll have a ball.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Join us for plenty of play action.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
I like big punts and I cannot lie
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.