How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Give me some pigskin
Case in punt
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Football is one habit I will never kick
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Calm before the score
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Having a ball
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
The calm before the score
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Join us for plenty of play action.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.