When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.