Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.