Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.