Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.