When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."