Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.