Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.