Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.