Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.