What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.