Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.