There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.