Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.