When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.