Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.