Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.