Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.