Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.