Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks