Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.