Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".