There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.