Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.