Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.