When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition