The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.