There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.