When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light