How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.