When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.