When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.