"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest