"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck