“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.