“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin