"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
"If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back."
- Chelsea Peretti
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown