"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer