“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child