“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore