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Unless Jokes

Funny Animal Quotes
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
Lettuce Puns
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Flamingo Puns
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Monster Puns
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
Funny Aging Quotes
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
Garden Quotes
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
Funny Money Quotes
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
Dog-Themed Pick Up Lines
I don't bite you know - unless it's called for.
Food Quotes
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
Friendship Quotes
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
— Linda Grayson
Crow Puns
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
Movie Pick Up Lines
"I don't bite, you know... unless it's called for."
- Audrey Hepburn, Charade (1963)
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