Turns

How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
A man gives his wive a coffin for her 70th birthday,
When she turns 71, she asks "why didn't you get me a present?" And the man answers "but you havent used the one I gave you last year."
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
I used to have wavy hair... Turns out it was waving goodbye.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Two behaviorists make love. When they are done, one turns to the other sand says: "That was good for you. Was it good for me?"
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Two deer walk out of a bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.
A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first cowboy bangs his head on the doorframe." Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.

Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film last week, it made me feel bad taking your money."

Man 2 says "So did I, but I didn't think he'd be daft enough to do it again."
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.