Turns

My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.
A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first cowboy bangs his head on the doorframe." Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.

Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film last week, it made me feel bad taking your money."

Man 2 says "So did I, but I didn't think he'd be daft enough to do it again."
I used to have wavy hair... Turns out it was waving goodbye.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Two deer walk out of a bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
Two behaviorists make love. When they are done, one turns to the other sand says: "That was good for you. Was it good for me?"
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
A man gives his wive a coffin for her 70th birthday,
When she turns 71, she asks "why didn't you get me a present?" And the man answers "but you havent used the one I gave you last year."