Times Jokes

“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

- Terry Pratchett.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
Shell-abrate the good times!
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.
You’re once, twice, three times a lady.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
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