Therapist Jokes

According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.
Canโ€™t say Iโ€™m surprised.
A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
A couple decades ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didnโ€™t even know she sold flowers!"
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
A Theory of Happiness A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he decides to test this theory. He convenes all the couples he can find at a special seminar. He then starts by asking the many people in the audience. โ€œHow many people here make love once a day?โ€ Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. โ€œOnce a week?โ€ A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. "How many of you make love once a month?โ€ A few hands tepidly go up. No grins could be sighted. Then he asks, โ€œOK, how about once a year?โ€ To his shock, one man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands and whistling. The therapist is shocked - this man's reaction completely disproves his theory! โ€œIf you make love only once a year,โ€ he asks, โ€œwhy are you so happy?โ€ The man shouts: "Todayโ€™s the day!โ€
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
โ€œMy therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far Iโ€™ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.โ€
Dave Barry
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
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