Therapist Jokes

According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
A Theory of Happiness A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he decides to test this theory. He convenes all the couples he can find at a special seminar. He then starts by asking the many people in the audience. “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. "How many of you make love once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. No grins could be sighted. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” To his shock, one man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands and whistling. The therapist is shocked - this man's reaction completely disproves his theory! “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man shouts: "Today’s the day!”
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
Dave Barry
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
A couple decades ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
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