Successful Jokes

There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​” -​Kin Hubbard
“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
— LeAnn Rimes
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
"Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife."
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”

- Ernest Hemingway.
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