I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone. The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..." "...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
A man loses his thesaurus, which he uses all the time.
He searches all over his house for it. Heโs double-checked everywhere, but he just canโt find it. Fed up with searching, he decides to ask his family members.
His daughter loves reading books, so he decided to ask her first.
Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?"
Daughter: "I didnโt take your thesaurus, I was just reading my favorite book. Maybe ask my brother? He always tries to reach into high cabinets, so he might have taken it to stand on."
So the man goes off and to look for his son. He finds his son sitting on the couch, playing video games.
Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?"
Son: "Of course not, I hate reading. Ask mom, she might have it."
So the man looks for his wife, but she isnโt home. He starts getting really frustrated. He goes to the stables to search for her. He goes in but there's just their horse standing there.The man, frustrated, decides to amuse himself.
"I don't suppose YOU know where my thesaurus is, right?"
"No." Says the horse.
He looks at the horse in shock.
Horse: "I mean... Neighhhh!"
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield. Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterdayโฆ said maybe they'll marry each other. Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
Itโs going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr... ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
There once was a family, the Biggerโs. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest? The son, because he was a little Bigger.
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A man loses his thesaurus, which he uses all the time.
He searches all over his house for it. Heโs double-checked everywhere, but he just canโt find it. Fed up with searching, he decides to ask his family members.
His daughter loves reading books, so he decided to ask her first.
Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?"
Daughter: "I didnโt take your thesaurus, I was just reading my favorite book. Maybe ask my brother? He always tries to reach into high cabinets, so he might have taken it to stand on."
So the man goes off and to look for his son. He finds his son sitting on the couch, playing video games.
Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?"
Son: "Of course not, I hate reading. Ask mom, she might have it."
So the man looks for his wife, but she isnโt home. He starts getting really frustrated. He goes to the stables to search for her. He goes in but there's just their horse standing there.The man, frustrated, decides to amuse himself.
"I don't suppose YOU know where my thesaurus is, right?"
"No." Says the horse.
He looks at the horse in shock.
Horse: "I mean... Neighhhh!"
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