Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on. Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings "Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave." A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said "Norway"
As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home... She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."