The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill. This isn't for any religious reason. They just haven’t been able to find Three Wise Men in DC. A search for a virgin was also fruitless. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
"As has often been noted, physics is to math what lovemaking is to masturbation."
Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"
Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
The Watch Search
One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a streetlight.
The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wristwatch had broken loose from his wrist.
The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch.
After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped.
"About a half a block up the street," the drunk said.
"Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?"
The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."