Realized Jokes

I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
I was going to call you beautiful, but then I realized I don’t have your number yet.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I was reading the book of numbers yesterday, and I realized I don’t have yours.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous
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