Nobody Jokes

“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
If I live to a hundred and two, I won't let nobody sting me but you
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
The Deaf Mute at the Golf Course A deaf mute steps up to tee off on the first hole of a golf course, when a large burly guy yells "Hey You!, Nobody tees off ahead of Big Ralph". Being deaf the poor guy continues to prepare for his shot, so Ralph runs up thinking the deaf mute is being obstinate, and knocks the poor guy to the ground, kicks his ball away, and prepares for his own shot. After Ralph has hit the ball and proceeded down the fairway after it, the mute gets up brushes himself off, waits a moment, and again prepares his shot. He hits a beautiful shot straight up the middle of the fairway. It also goes straight at big Ralph, hitting him in the back of the head and knocking him down. The mute then walks down the fairway, rolls the stunned man around, and holds up four fingers to Ralph's face.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
"Parenting is basically just listening to yourself talk because nobody else is." - Unknown
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

- Ray Romano.
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