Living Jokes

What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

- Ray Romano.
The day after your birthday,
you look in the mirror to see:
a) you've got a zit from eating all that cake;
b) your love handles have expanded a half inch;
c) you singed your eyebrows blowing out the candles.

The day after your birthday,
a) you require six extra hours of sleep;
b) you can't find your living room under the birthday debris;
c) you wonder how you could possibly have done THAT.

The day after your birthday, it's time to:
a) return some gifts (what IS that, anyway?);
b) call your friends and apologize for yesterday;
c) get out of the country, fast.

The day after your birthday...
we should all look so great
and have it so good!

Happy Birthday!
Appreciate yourself and your life!

(Joanna Fuchs)
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
Why are the Irish so concerned about global warming?
They’re really into green living.
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