Living Jokes

โ€œThereโ€™s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
The day after your birthday,
you look in the mirror to see:
a) you've got a zit from eating all that cake;
b) your love handles have expanded a half inch;
c) you singed your eyebrows blowing out the candles.

The day after your birthday,
a) you require six extra hours of sleep;
b) you can't find your living room under the birthday debris;
c) you wonder how you could possibly have done THAT.

The day after your birthday, it's time to:
a) return some gifts (what IS that, anyway?);
b) call your friends and apologize for yesterday;
c) get out of the country, fast.

The day after your birthday...
we should all look so great
and have it so good!

Happy Birthday!
Appreciate yourself and your life!

(Joanna Fuchs)
People keep asking me why Iโ€™m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
Iโ€™m just trying to make a living.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Whatโ€™s a skeletonโ€™s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
โ€œPeople are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
Why are the Irish so concerned about global warming?
Theyโ€™re really into green living.
"Thereโ€™s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty donโ€™t look the way they used to and itโ€™s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. Itโ€™s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
โ€œItโ€™s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnโ€™t appeal to anyone.โ€ - Andy Rooney
โ€œHaving children is like living in a frat house โ€” nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and thereโ€™s a lot of throwing up.โ€

- Ray Romano.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- Itโ€™s been a living hell with you guys around.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
โ€œAll marriages are happy. Itโ€™s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.โ€ โ€” Raymond Hull
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