I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
"It’s a boy!!! I cannot believe it – it’s a boy!! I was so overwhelmed, I literally stood there in tears"
~Mike, 32, abruptly ending his holiday in Thailand
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
My wife gets mad at me because I always take things literally.
The police get mad at me because that’s apparently considered “kleptomania.”
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
He knew literally everything about the constellations. Some might even say that his knowledge of the night sky was astronomical.
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
Why people did not like the restaurant on? Because there was literally no atmosphere.