Likes Jokes

My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What girl likes it in all her holes at the same time?
Mrs. Potato Head.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
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