Left Jokes

How was heaven when you left it?
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.

He was delicious!!

(Shel Silverstein)
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
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